apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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