she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
