There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just cropdusted the office
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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