Apparently you make a good broom.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
did i just pee glitter
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
