just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
