worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
