Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
