I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
only you would photoshop your dick
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
