Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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