What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
