her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
What a dumb baby whore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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