Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
