Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Vodka?
Forever.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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