I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
