you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
