I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
