A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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