Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
