I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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