Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
