theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
