Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
