His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
