On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
