38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
