I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
