The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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