RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
