Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
