I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
