It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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