real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
