my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
