my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
