My sheets look like a crime scene.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You need a sexual gate keeper
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
