i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
