She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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