life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
