I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
