I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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