the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
