And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
