so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
