Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
