I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
