i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
