K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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