Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
