I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
