Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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