Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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