I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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