dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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