You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
