i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
